That's intense
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
