Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
