I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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