remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
