Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
