I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
