I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
