Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
