I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
