Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
