Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
