That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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