This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
