he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
