Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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