It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
