I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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