he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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