Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
