is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
