Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
