things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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