she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
