Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
