Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
