oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
