Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
