I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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