I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In America we eat man semen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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