My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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