Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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