I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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