Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
