You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
