she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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