i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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