i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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