lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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