I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
