her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
