Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
