Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
