Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
