6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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