You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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