How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
