He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
