Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
