The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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