gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
