That's when you crack a 10am beer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
