but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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